Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
