Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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