I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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