She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
