i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
