I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
