tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
