explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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