i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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