my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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