Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
