Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
