Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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