I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
