Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i wish my penis had a tongue
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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