Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
