Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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