i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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