I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
