I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
