official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
