I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
