I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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