Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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