Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
