I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
