Just fell off a train. Bad.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
