If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
