i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
