So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
