So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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