Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
time to smoke my breakfast
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
