oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
