just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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