Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
