Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
