exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
