"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
