her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Too much gin, very little bucket
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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