Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I need to calm my uterus...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
