So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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