I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
