At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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