i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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