i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
