Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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