hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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