so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
