He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
