She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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